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My Macenytre!!!

March 10, 2007

I open my eyes and glance around in the morning; a world that seems so strange and yet so familiar to me. A world full of hopes and dreams, also at the same time, a world full of hatred and sorrow. When your voice appears in my head or when your eyes look into mine, I knew at that moment that all my dreams have been fulfilled. A real world compare with a dream world. Reality hits when you are away from me, and dreams awake when you gently step back into my life. How I wish that this dream can last forever even though knowing that one day, all these dreams will be shattered, neither by me nor by you; but by the cruel test of time which will separate us one day. I will try my best to stay with you in this dream as long as I can, because to me, you are my dream, you are my everything. Pains and sorrows are the reality and our happiness is the dream. What is your dream, I cannot tell; but to me, having you is a dream comes true. Yet dreams come in different ways: a daydream, a night dream, a fantasy dream etc… And each time they appear differently depending on your desire, and as each dreams are fulfilled, it disappear!

For a long time I have wondered why am I here in this world with so many complicated dreams, I sometimes even wish that I can not feel no more when I’m at a point when I think that I might explode from a shattered dream but then “her” face will appear into my mind and I will tell myself that I have to go on living happily for her! It is that sense of touch that I think we all miss so much that we crash into one another so that we can feel something. But the question I keep asking myself is what is dream? All those happy dreams, all those terrible dreams, and all those disappointing dreams when we’ve been let down, where does it come from? Is it from our brain or is it from our heart? If it comes from our brain then why do we feel something in our heart when we are disappointed and even hurt when our dreams are shattered? I never know and I don’t know how to answer myself. Can someone answer this question, I don’t think so, and it will be unanswered for a long time, it is something that is too complicated for us to understand, but even without knowing why we have dreams, I can tell you about the dreams that I have.

So let me tell u a story of my dream that I share with a girl. We met just like how everyone else meets but a little more differently, I taunted her about her name. Even though it didn’t start off well, we seem to be connected, soon I regretted making fun of her, and I became her friend. As the days past by, we became closer and closer friends, we share a bond of being able to understand one another so well and so easily. However we keep hiding our feelings for each another in fear of the other would walk away from us. I find myself dreaming and thinking about her whether it’s at night or during the day, I started to fall for her so deeply, even so I couldn’t find the courage to tell her because of my previous relationship that landed me hurt and wounded badly. Finally I approach her and soon after, she is my girlfriend, a dream comes true, she came into my life and rebuilt that dream that I’ve abandoned after it was destroyed. Bit by bit she restores it and shows me the wonderful side of life that was long lost to me, slowly it became my turn to do the same for her and I find that I have truly found the one I want to spend my life with. Four weeks in to our relationship, I stepped into the place where we hang around all the time, except this time, I was alone! Memories just start flashing by in front of me. I cannot help but smile at those thoughts of her; I guess I have truly fallen for her!!! I wish she can know how much I love her, and as I walked on those steps that we walked that day, the feeling of loneliness started to grab hold of my heart, I struggle to free myself from that thought, telling myself that as long as I know that she still loves me, I will be happy!!! Then the feeling will be overcome, I LOVE HER and I’m not afraid to tell the world!!! My world is built around her, my world will change along with her, I can learn to love her the way she wants, and I will try my best to protect her from the problems in life!! I regret that she cannot be here with me on this day but I want her to know that I will still love her and I love her more each day!!! She cannot be here personally but she is in my heart and that is good enough for me, I just need to know the fact that she is out there somewhere living everyday happily for me, and I’m here living everyday happily for her. Who says that love can only be a part of people’s dreams? It is reality and when you make an effort to find it, it is no longer a dream that I can only dream of.

When I’m lost, her light source leads me back to the right path, when I’m down, her voice leads me to smile, when I’m asleep, her invisible arms reach to hug me. That gentle breath of hers fills my heart’s desire, her appearance fills up my dreams, now I have no fear each day, because I know that when I wake, I’m going to live this day for you, and when I sleep, I know I lived this day for you! All I want from this world is you, now you’ve chased all emptiness out of my world and help me discover my dream that I had once given all hope on!


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